


That Awful Sound

by lexphoenix



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: wolfstar angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 19:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4717175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexphoenix/pseuds/lexphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bit of Wolfstar angst. Based on Nancy SInatra's "Bang Bang."</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Awful Sound

**Author's Note:**

> I swore I would never write angst and yet here I am.

_I was five and he was six_

_We rode on horses made of sticks_

_He wore black and I wore white_

_He would always win the fight_

 

You see him for the first time, and something in you that you never knew was there clicks. He's beautiful, he's rambunctious, and he makes you laugh. You are ugly, you are sullen, and you cry too often, but he disagrees. It is impossible to stay mad at him. It is impossible not to love him.

"Moony," he says, a smirk painted on his face, "Remind me of all the characteristics of werewolves again." You roll your eyes. When it's just you, the mere mention of the word "werewolf" makes you shake, but with him and James and Peter, it's okay. Yeah, so maybe you prefer Sirius to make the jests when they inevitably arrive, but that's a minor detail. You can't be offended by his taunting, and he knows it, the utter prat.

 

_Bang bang, he shot me down_

_Bang bang, I hit the ground_

_Bang bang, that awful sound_

_Bang bang, my baby shot me down_

 

You want to yell at him. You want to punch him. You want to shake him until he tells you why he would hurt you when you so obviously love him. You do none of these things. Instead, you find yourself frozen, your mouth dry, and bearing the leers of a greasy little boy whom you nearly killed. 

"Remus, it was an accident," he insists. The greasy boy snorts.

"It was just supposed to be a joke!" he says, seeing you are loathing him more by the second.

You find your voice. "A joke?" you say, your voice barely above a low whisper. "You knew what could happen - what could happen to me. If it was a joke, then I was merely another step in your little prank. Am I your joke, Sirius? Am I your fucking joke?" He opens his mouth. "No," you say, "you will stay away from me until I say otherwise, Sirius Black."

Sirius looks down guiltily. You know he's holding back tears, but you don't care. "How long will that be?" he croaks.

You pause a moment. "I don't know," you say. "Maybe a week. Maybe a month. Maybe a year. Maybe forever."

 

_Seasons came and changed the time_

_When I grew up, I called him mine_

_He would always laugh and say_

_"Remember when we used to play?"_

 

You hate that you can't stay mad at him. You hate that you forgive him. You hate that you're growing up and suddenly you realize you like girls and you also like boys and apparently wanting to kiss your beautiful, idiot friend is not, in fact, a normal part of the average platonic friendship. You want to push him away. You want to passionately make out with him. You hate him. 

But then suddenly he, of all people, doesn't know how to speak, and he stutters as he tries to tell you the truth, and he thinks this shit is one-sided, for God's sake, being the thick-headed arse he is. You try waiting for him to finish until you can't take it anymore, and then, oh, fuck it, you kiss him, and he kisses back, and suddenly you find yourself doing things you always laugh at, and your world is full of kisses, and not once does it stop for hidden feelings.

 

_Bang bang, I shot you down_

_Bang bang, you hit the ground_

_Bang bang, that awful sound_

_Bang bang, I used to shoot you down_

 

You are the one who leaves. You are the one who truly loses faith, and it is you who is the one responsible for the heavy silence between you. He begs you to tell him what's happening, but how can you? This is wartime, and kisses seem so futile, although sorely missed. You see the heartbreak in his eyes, but what can you do? You can never make him happy, not really. So you end it. You end it, and you hate yourself because all you want to do is hold him.

 

_Music played and people sang_

_Just for me the church bells rang_

 

Your mind dwells on happier times. You think about how proud he looked at James and Lily's wedding. He held your hand as the couple kissed. He smiled at you, and you feel like such a sap, because you get such a thrill from the adoration you see in his eyes. You danced with him for hours, and the funny thing is, you actually liked it. He kissed you, and he kissed you, and he kissed you.

"I swear I'll marry you someday," he whispered.

You think about how he almost cried when James and Lily asked him to be Harry's godfather. You held him and kissed his cheek as he grins with such pure joy. You love him. He loves you. God, you're in deep, but then he is too.

But now is not the past, you remind yourself. Live in the present, and life will be better. That's the theory, anyway.

 

_Now he's gone, I don't know why_

_And 'till this day, sometimes I cry_

_He didn't even say goodbye_

_He didn't take the time to lie_

 

You cannot breathe. You cannot speak. You are numb. You are immobile. Everyone's left you. Someone you loved has killed your friends and therefore has killed you. Is it your fault? If you had stayed, would he have been loyal? Or was he just evil deep down at his core, and you were just too blind to see it? Were you such a fool?

You have no one to ask. You have no one to love. You hate him. You love him. You want him. You could kill him. You are alone. You are alone. You are alone.

 

_Bang bang, he shot me down_

_Bang bang, I hit the ground_

_Bang bang, that awful sound_

_Bang bang, my baby shot me down_


End file.
